The Itsy Bitsy Spider: Reaching for the Waterspout

When faced with the assignment of a revised fairytale, I pondered many potential candidates as my protagonist. However, in the end, the Itsy Bitsy spider was the obvious choice. I put a unique spin on it (pun intended). It was such a joy to write it. I wanted the reader to sympathize with my poor divorced yet caring protagonist—Felix.



Once upon a time, there lived a troubled itsy bitsy spider named Felix. Felix had been a good father, all the other arachnids knew it, but that gullible mosquito jury fell hopelessly into his wife’s alluring red hourglass trap. After the divorce had run its course, Esmeralda, his black widow ex-wife, took full custody of his only joys in his life—his children.


Felix begged and pleaded with Esmeralda for visiting rights, but she selfishly snatched up her kids and bought 5 one way tickets to the top of the water spout, eloping with them in the cover of night.


The next morning, Felix awoke to a beautiful sunny day, yet Felix felt a sense of dread in the pit of his stomach. He crawled over to his ex-wife’s web only to find his youngest daughter’s stuffed fly that she was never seen without. Alarmed, Felix called out for Jenny, his youngest daughter.


He searched high and low, yet he found no sign of Jenny, Esmeralda, or his other beloveds. Felix was becoming panicked. He feared he would never see his children again, so he frantically crawled through town, inquiring the whereabouts of Esmeralda and his children.


“Do you know where Esmeralda or my children are?” he said to the grocer.


“Nope, sorry haven’t seen them. Perhaps you should ask the dentist.”


So, with hope in his heart, Felix crawled to the dentist’s office.


”Do you know where Esmeralda or my children are?” he said to the dentist.


“Oh dear! I don’t believe we’ve crossed paths recently. Try the beautician.”


Felix tried the grocer, the dentist, the beautician, the barber, the shoe polisher, the gardener, and even the mayor but no one seemed to know where they were! After a long unsuccessful day, he slumped under a tree in a park and wept. A ticket salesman happened to be strolling through the park and hearing Felix’s sobs, he asked, “What’s the matter?” This only made Felix cry harder, for he felt so hopeless, but with all the strength he could muster Felix asked, “Do you know where Esmeralda or my children are?”


The ticket salesman stood awhile, pensive, until a glimmer of memory glinted across his features, “Why yes! Esmeralda bought 5 one way tickets to the waterspout last night!”


Felix leapt to his feet, embraced the man, and asked, “Can you get me on the next lift to the waterspout?”


The ticket salesman apologetically stated, “So sorry, but after Esmeralda arrived at the waterspout, she destroyed any means of transportation to the waterspout!”


“No matter,” said Felix. “I can climb my way up the waterspout and parachute my children safely from the waterspout with my web!”


Felix rushed, as quickly as his eight legs permitted, to the base of the waterspout, grasped the slick sides of the pipe and pulled himself off the ground. Little by little, Felix made headway on his journey to save his children from his ex-wife’s clutches with little Jenny’s fly strapped onto his back. Lactic acid coursed through his veins. He could feel the burdening weight of every last inch of his thorax, legs burning with the stress of gravity.


All of a sudden, a thick rain cloud migrated across the sky and cried. The torrential rainfall washed that itsy bitsy spider from his post. Felix crashed to the pavement where he frantically tried to swim toward shallow cement.


Tumbling, rolling, crashing.


Gurgling, swirling, gasping.


Felix almost drowned, never to see his children’s smiling faces, but somehow he mustered up the strength to tough out the burn in his lungs. Once he caught his breath, he stared up at the glistening white pipe and resumed climbing.


One step. Two steps. Three. Four. . .


Finally, Felix reached the crest of the waterspout where he could hear the whimpers of his children. Carefully, he peeked over the edge and saw them squished in a corner, cuffed at the wrist and ankle, eyes darting every which way. Esmeralda was fast asleep in an elaborate web of silk and nylon, so Felix quietly tiptoed toward his children, signaling them to keep quiet. Expelling some of his acidic venom, Felix melted away their restraints and ordered them to hop on his back.


In a calculated maneuver, Felix leapt from the waterspout with his children clinging to his thorax. The thick rain clouds had cleared and the warm sun cut through the mist, creating rainbows every which way. It was a glorious sight. Once the family had parachuted to safety, Felix hugged his children to his thorax and promised to never let their mother kidnap them again.


The children jumped for joy and thanked their father for his heroism. After the incident, no one ever questioned Felix’s paternal authority. Also, the waterspout became Esmeralda’s own personal jail because she had no way of getting down. Felix and the children resumed their normal lives and enjoyed every day as it came.


And they lived happily ever after.